Are you planning on going on holiday this summer? I hope you are, this country is too bloody hot right now, so you might as well go and enjoy your time off Uni in a country that was actually built to withstand these temperatures – I’m talking air conditioning, well-made cocktails and houses that aren’t literally designed to keep all of the heat in.
Why not be the annoying entitled millennial you're expected to be with your avocado on toast, and enjoy yourself whilst you’re doing it. We’ve got shit all else to look forward to, so we might as well have a good time on our goddamn holidays.
Regardless of whether you’re undecided or if you’ve already got something planned, be sure to embrace the cliché of whichever box you’ve decided to put yourself in: be it posh wanker, travelling hippie or broke as fuck. That last one may not be a choice, but you might as well own it. As far as I can see, you have the following options, all of which I think it’s safe to say, are quite distinctly British:
The ‘Gap Yah the shit out of it’
You can do the old Thailand thing were you get a picture with elephants and then regret it a few years later because you realise they’re drugged and badly treated and that’s actually pretty fucked up.
The ‘I don’t need a plane to have a good time’
The train orientated trip around Europe which will inevitably end in you coming back and telling your friends just how much you loved Berlin but there were so many tourists in Prague. But actually your favourite was a tiny little Slovenian town literally no-one can pronounce.
The ‘LADS LADS LADS’
Hit up Magaluf/Malia/Kavos/insert-generic-party-island-here and don’t look back. Soak up absolutely zero culture, eat a kebab every day and make sure that at least one of you ends up in hospital, one of you gets an STI and one of you gets arrested.
The ‘like, Super Posh Trip’
You somehow manage to do Dubai, New York and Sydney all in one trip. Do you shit gold? Also FYI: everyone you know hates you.
The ‘Unbearable Wanker’
Do the actual, like, really cultured trip, and don’t you know that everyone should actually visit Latvia. But like, not too many people, because you just don’t want the magic to be ruined.
The ‘I’m actually really broke lol’
The awkward trip to somewhere in the UK either with your parents or your friends that you will pretend so hard is as nice as everyone else’s holiday, but in reality it’s just because you’re really skint.
The actual legit one
Where you go somewhere like Iceland. No jokes, my parents just got back from holiday and I am so jealous.
I think that covers pretty much every type of British human that goes on holiday, so choose away. Regardless of where you go though, make sure you hit these cardinal holiday rules:
- Be sure people know that you’re travelling by suddenly making Facebook friends with about 50 people at once.
- Snapchat story the hell out of a party drunk but when it doesn’t upload because you don’t have Wi-Fi, spend the next morning deleting everything and wondering how you became such a mess of a human being.
- Not put on sun cream and regret it roughly about two hours later. Unless you’re one of those annoying people who doesn’t burn, in which case screw you.
- Bring about 5 books and read none of them.
- Buy three pairs of sunglasses that you’ll either lose or never wear again.
- Eat everything and put on about a stone.
- Fuck up your attempt at vegetarianism so many times you realise that you really should just stop trying to be a good person.
- Get quite sick at least once and miss a whole day of doing nothing by lying next to the toilet.
- Meet at least one person who knows someone you do and wonder how the hell the world is so small.
- Find so many English people where you are that you start to realise how everyone else in the world must feel.
- Put at least one Instagram post up using the hashtag #blessed.
Enjoy the summer peeps, and try not to irritate the locals too much. And if you are planning on going away, download Loot here. You can use the contactless card abroad without paying any additional fees and you can pause your account when you loose it in the sea. It happens.