They say you can’t pick your family, but at least you can pick your friends. They also say that you never truly know someone until you’ve lived with them. Sometimes, when you live with those friends- those ones that you picked- you wish you’d had better judgement and picked better mates.
You see, that mate who is a bit bossy and anal, well when you live with them, they stress over mess. And those mates who are so laid back they’re basically horizontal, well they are the mates who make the mess that causes the stress. Everyone has their own lives, their own needs and sometimes, when everyone’s needs and lives are forced together under one roof, it causes a clusterfuck.
When problems arise, most people take the passive aggressive root and leave a post-it note or put a jokey comment in the WhatsApp group. My friend, so plagued by the mess that our housemate made, took a bite out of every slice in his loaf of bread. I mean fair enough, it got her anger out.
But if you’d rather be an adult about it and biting other people’s slices of bread isn’t your thing, then here are our 10 commandments you should all live by to have a peaceful household.
Thou shalt not steal
You know that milk isn’t yours and taking a pinch of your housemates cumin is still classed as theft. And I’m not being funny, but Tesco does sell laundry tablets you know? Oh you didn’t know? Weird that...
Thou shalt not leave the toilet seat up
It’s funny how, even when men put the toilet seat up so they don’t piss on the seat they somehow manage to piss on the floor. It’s not as if they’ve been practising for like 20 years is it...
Thou shalt not let other people buy toilet roll
Don’t be that person who leaves one sheet of toilet roll for the next person. Share the load and all chip in for a multipack- saves those awkward moments.
Thou shalt not let thy partner move in
They don’t pay rent and yet your boyfriend/ girlfriend is there every night using the shower, switching the lights on etc. They might be the loveliest people in the world, but trust me, everyone finds it annoying.
Thou shalt not be loud at 3am
On a weekend it’s totally fine, but on a Tuesday, rolling in at 3am, falling through the front door, making cheese on toast and then loudly throwing it back up again is just a little bit much.
Thou shall pay the bills
If your housemate is having to chase you for council tax money then you’re not being fair. Be an adult and pay on time. Thank you. Goodnight.
Thou shall clean one’s own shit
All items in a house have their own special home. So, mugs don’t belong at the foot of the couch, they belong in the cupboard, socks don’t belong in the hallway, they belong in your own room… do you get the gist?
Thou shalt not eat another man’s rations
Money is tight so if you didn’t buy it you don’t eat it. Period.
Thou shall always remember one’s key
“Hey is anyone in? I forgot my key- oops!!” The dreaded text message we have all sent after a long day at work or late night on the razz. If no one responds though, you can’t be annoyed because basically it’s your own fault- sorry!
Thou shall all be friends
You’re contracted to be stuck together for the foreseeable future so try and make the best of it.